Types of Abusers: "The Water Torturer"

The Water Torturer Abuser:

• Proves that anger doesn't cause abuse, this type of abuser can assault his partner without ever even raising his voice.
• He tends to stay cool and collected during aruements as a weapon to push his partner over the edge.
• Uses tools like sarcasm, mockery, even resorting to laughing at her or what she says or making cruel, cutting remarks
• Relentless in his quiet derision and meanness

When dating a "Water Torturer," you tend to do one of two things: either you become frustrated to the point of furiousness, or you begin to feel completely stupid and inferior. You might end up doing things like screaming and yelling because you become so frustrated, storming out of the room, or sinking into silence, leading your partner to make it seem like you are the abusive or crazy one. He might say things to you like "You're the one screaming and yelling, I'm just talking calmly: you're the one that is abusive to me. You are impossible to talk to. I didn't even raise my voice, and look at you!"

This type of abuse can be incredibly damaging and can do serious harm to your personal mentality. You feel like you are going crazy or that you are enraged but have no idea really why. You have a hard time reaching out to other people because you don't even know how to explain what is going on. He seems to know exactly how to get under your skin, and he can even make other people take his side in believing that you are the crazy one and that he just somehow puts up with you.

•Leads other people to believe that they are nice and even tempered, and you are the one that is crazy, unpredictable and has a bad temper.

•Can be incredibly cruel, all the while maintaining a calm mentality. He plays up the idea that as long as he is calm, nothing he does or says can be seen as abusive.

•Knows exactly how to get under your skin.

•Leads you to believe that you fly off the handle or overreact to things that aren't really that bad.

It can take years to figure out what is happening, if you are a victim of this type of abuse, and if you finally leave him,  you may experience intense periods of delayed rage as you realize just how abusive  and destructive he was.

** This information is an adaptation from

Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That?"