Types of Abusers: "The Demand Man"

The 'Demand Man' abuser:

• is highly entitled
• expects his partner's life to revolve around the practice of meeting his needs. 
• can get angry if his demands are not met, and will blame partner/other people if anything gets in the way of his needs.
• becomes enraged if he isn't catered to or if he is inconvenienced in any way (even if minor)

As his girlfriend, you feel like you can't do anything right; nothing you do is good enough; and that it is impossible to make him happy. You feel like you are constantly being criticized and that you always 'should have done things better.'

Specific characteristics of this type of abuser include:

1. Little sense of give and take: The balance between what he wants from you and what he gives back is completely skewed. His demands, from everything to sexual attention to emotional support, far surpass his supply of these behavior. For example: he expects you to drop everything when he is upset about something, but whenever you are upset, he is too busy to talk to you, or makes fun of you for being dramatic;  he expects you do do his homework, cook for him or clean up after him, but gets mad if you ask him to help you with something small; he expects you to preform sexual acts on him whenever he wants, but never pays attention to your needs. 
2. Exaggerates or overvalues his own contributions. Although he is constantly taking, and rarely giving, he makes it seem as if it is the other way around; he keeps track of every nice things he does for you (even those that are generally expected in a healthy relationship) and he makes you feel like you are the one that is in debt to him. For example: he buys you a gift for your birthday, and seven months later, he is still talking about how much he spent on it and uses it to prove how lucky you are to have him; he constantly talks about how much he gives up for you and sacrifices for you, and yet you are the one who has no friends anymore, while he goes out all the time. 
3. He punishes you when he doesn't get what he thinks he deserves. If you don't do something he thinks you should have, he will punish you for letting him down in any number of ways. For example: He's upset and wants you to come over, but you have a soccer game and can't skip it. You come over after the game and he refuses to talk to you, telling you that he can never count on you and that you always abandon him. 
4. He is nice only when he feels like it. The times that is is generous,  sweet to you, or supportive, it is because he is proving to you or to others how wonderful he is, and how loving. His behavior is not about you, it is about him. For example: He screams at you and shoves you against a wall for talking to one of your male friends. Later, he buys you flowers, makes you your favorite dinner, or fawns over how wonderful you are when you are in front of your parents. 
5. He gets angry if your needs conflict with his needs.  He is a master at playing the role of the victim. He accusses you of being 'self-centered' or 'only caring about yourself.' He plays up this reversal of reality in front of other people, working hard to make sure other people know how selfish and ungrateful you are, or how much you are hurting him despite all that he does for you. For example: He wants to have sex, but you want to wait. At school, he sulks, telling other people that you don't love him as much as he loves you, and confiding in one of your girl friends who he claims said she wishes that she had a boyfriend like him who treated her well and loved her so much.

** This information is an adaptation from 

Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That?"